See you in South Africa!

I'll see you there, because I sure ain't going. (One would assume you'll be on TV, and I'll see you there from the relative safety of wherever else on earth I am. Baghdad, maybe.)

Anyhoo, I say this because the QFs are now set, which gives me a chance to make my bold (and wrong) predictions for the rest of the World Cup. (Or, as I like to call it: the european championship with the south americans and the blacks)...

1. Germany v. Argentina

Both teams have looked brilliant at times, but neither have really faced *top* level competition yet (that match against the dutch doesn't count since no one was trying)...but the Krauts are at home and are (slightly) younger. Plus, their coach is Juergen Klinnsman, one of the few germans I don't hate. I was in Rome for the finals in 1990 and was really pulling for the Argies in the final, based solely on my love for Maradona and hatred for Lothar of the hill people. The Germans won, pissing me off to no end. And since professional sports results are generally based on pissing me off, the germans win again. On the other hand, without the argies in the tournanment, there'd be no more stories about what Maradona's getting arrested for today. (Actually there will be, but they'll be on page 8 instead of page 2)...which would suck.

Germany 2-1 Argentina.

2. Italy v. Ukraine

The Italians cheated to get here and they'll cheat to advance.

Italy 2-1 Ukraine (despite 3 Ukraine goals being called back on phantom offsides and both Italian goals being on phantom fouls in the box.)

3. England v. Portugal

It's funny, everyone automatically assumes that I'm pulling for the three lions in this tournament because I follow English football. Nothing could be further from the truth. As an unabashed supporter of the Republic of Ireland (and as a sane and rational human), there is NO way I'd ever support a team that includes Beckham, Ferdinand, Lampard, Gerrard (unless he's playing United or AC), anyone with the last name Cole not named Andy, or that little pisser Rooney.

That said, they're playing Portugal again....and this time, it's personal. Which means it'll come down to penalty kicks. And you know what that means.

Portugal 1-1 England (Portugal advances 4-2 on PK)

4. Brazil v. France

Brazil is a better team. France seems to (finally) be playing better. That said, Brazil is the better team.

Brazil 3-1 France

This sets up the battle of the portguese in Brazil/Portugal and the battle of the fascists in Germany/Italy. The apprentice ends up winning both*** with Brazil beating the Krauts in Berlin and the Italians not bothering to show up for the consolation game on account of them all having been arrested the night before.

1. Brazil
2. Germany
3. Portuugal

Remember you read it here first.


****Don't forget the Eye-ties had Mussolini a good 10 years before Adolf got in.

What a scam.

The Australians got hosed. Bigtime. I won't bother beating up on the officiating so far. People far smarter than me (and far stupider, too) will do that incessantly over the next 4 years and two weeks, until the next world cup kicks off and the shitty officiating starts again, but it's been an interesting Coppa Mondialle so far. Cheers to the Ghanians (Ghanos? Ghanites? Gnomes?) for getting Bruce Arena and the rest of the "most powerful nation in the world" off my TV, and jeers to the Serbs, Iranians and Japs for not bothering to show up. As usual, since my team's long since been eliminated (in this case, before the tournament even started. Damn swiss...got what *they* deserved...bastards), it becomes far more fun to cheer *against* teams. To wit, teams I want to lose, in order of how much I want them to lose:

1) Italy. They were far further down this list until yesterday, when they rocketed straight to the top. Forza Ukraine!

2) France. Do you need a reason?

3) England. Tabloid field day.

4) Argentina. They're no fun without Maradona

5) Brazil. They're like cheering for the Yankees. (or Man U, for the footie inclined)

6) The Jerrys. It's always fun watching the home team win, but come on...it's germany!

7) Spain. They're not higher up, because they'll choke it away in the end. As usual.

8) Portugal. It's Portugal. Who cares?

9) Ukraine. Again, some loser country no one outside of...well, the ukraine, cares about. Unless their nuclear reactors start going off again.

10) Ghana. As of this writing, they're down 2-0 at the half to Brazil. Goodbye, it's been fun. Thanks for killing the Yanks.


So does that mean I want the Ukraine to win the world cup? Hardly. Ideally, I wouldn't want anyone to win until Keano takes over the Ireland squad in a few years and beats the crap out of the opposition to win it all. But given that's a minimum of 4 years away...I dunno...Brazil or England, I guess, since I've got them in the pool.

Yay. Ambivalence rules the day.